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Snarky, Fun Replies to “How are you?”

My friend Ted Larkins of Get to Be Happy fame tweeted a video about meeting up with people and staying present. It’s great advice. . . and it reminded me of some hilarious replies to “how are you?” that I came across recently. (See below.) These will shock your conversation partners into paying closer attention to your exchange. 🙂 

So. . how are you doing?

“I’m doing really well” then pause and say “Of course, that could be the anti-depressants.”

I promised myself I would kill the next person who asked me that question, but I like you so I will let you live.

WHY!? WHAT ARE THEY SAYING ABOUT ME?

I think I’m doing OK. How do you think I’m doing?

I’m better than I was, but not nearly as good as I’m going to be.

I can’t complain! It’s against the Company Policy.

I’m sure you have that information on your screen.

All right so far, but there’s still time for everything to go horribly wrong.

Medium Well.

Yes.

My psychiatrist told me not to discuss it with strangers.

Word on the street is that I’m really good.

If I had a tail, I would wag it.

Not so good, but I plan on lying at my press conference.

Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Socioeconomically? Financially? I’m not sure how to answer that!?!

Do I have to answer?

Your attempt at social interaction is hereby acknowledged.

I have no way of knowing.

Different day. Same existence.

I’m better now that I’m talking to you.

How dare you!

If I were any better, I’d be illegal.

Nice and dandy like cotton candy.

If I were any better, I’d be you.

I’ll let you know when I figure it all out.

Can’t complain. Nobody listens to me anyway.

Nothing much.

Overworked and underpaid.

If I were doing any better, I’d have to hire you to enjoy it with me.

I’m all set up for the end of the world.

They told me you would ask me that.

Like you, but better.

My lawyer says I don’t have to answer that question.

Armed and ready! for the apocalypse

Somewhere between blah and meh.

I’m still sucking air.

Somewhere between better and best.

Incredibly handsome.

Shhh…It’s too early to tell.

I don’t feel that great but my hair looks awesome, right?

Living a life of denial and suppressed rage.

Slowly but surely dying.

Groovy baby.

I’m better on the inside than I look on the outside.

You go first so we can compare.

I’m not sure yet.

Living the dream but half the time it’s a nightmare.

Dangerously close to fabulous.

I am high quality.

The doctor said I’d live.

Great, stellar, fantastic, but dead inside.

I’ll leave that up to your imagination.

I’m pretty sure I am not obligated to tell you. Lemme check with my lawyer.

Unfortunately I’m sober!

On a scale of one to punching someone in the face?

Happy and you know it. *clap your hands*

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